I don’t have regular t.v. news. We do have a t.v. to play video games on and watch movies, we just don’t have regular shows. Because of this I am always the last to hear of events. I need to make an arrangement with friends to call me when something awful happens so that they can fill me in with a gentle, ease into it kind of way. I say this because I found out about the tragic shooting of our bravest and finest, in Dallas, this afternoon driving in my truck, from the announcer on the radio. I quickly realized that I was a driving hazard at that time and found the nearest parking lot to pull into. Then I had myself a good cry. Not a graceful, tears sliding down my cheeks kind of cry, but an ugly snot inducing kind of breakdown. Note to self: Those fast food napkins you store in your glove compartment cannot handle an ugly messy kind of cry. Store something more substantial in your car for just such an event, at the same time hoping that you will have no use for them. It was fortuitous that I was heading toward my therapy appointment. By this I mean the best kind of therapy I have at my disposal; shoveling sh*t. I know it might be a little unusual, but you should seriously try it sometime. So I arrived at my manure source and picked up a shovel and begin filling the truck bed with it. If you would like to give this kind of therapy a try, and you live in Dallas, e-mail me and I will hook you up with a free source. For me it kind of goes like this; shovel-pray, shovel-pray, shovel-pray; continue till I feel like I am going to pass out or throw up and then add a couple of more shovel fulls. At this point you have a truck load full of sh*t you are committed to unload, which in my case is an opportunity for more therapy. I am helping a friend build a raised bed and my homestead or the community garden could always use manure. Even with all my animals(rabbits and chickens) it seems there is always room for a top dressing of manure in the Spring and Fall. O.K. so this is right in the middle of Summer when I am usually doing as little as possible outside because it is HOT, REALLY, REALLY HOT. Desperate times call for desperate measures(hot sweaty, manure moving therapy) I am always surrounded by noisy chaos in my life, which I enjoy most of the time. Sometimes, however, I like to be alone. Trust me when I say that when you bring up the idea of shoveling sh*t you will be alone, very, very alone. You can have a total mental breakdown, rant at God(He is big enough to handle that) and no one will even come close to you. They might think of you as the crazy poop scooping, talking to herself gardening lady, but there could be much worse things to be. Like someone who enjoys killing others for some twisted sense of satisfaction? It feels like the worlds gone crazy.
I wish I had something inspirational to say; about God and love and all, but I simply don’t. I am speechless, which is rare for me. Dallas has taken a gut punch and it might take us a bit to rise from it. I know life goes on and we will eventually laugh again. We will count our blessings that it is not our husband or daddy or son or daughter or mommy who died. Right now, at this time, It doesn’t feel right to talk about tomatoes or squash. Right now, it feels to me, like a good time to go curl up in my Father’s lap and seek comfort. So that is where I will be. I won’t write for a while. I will wait for the words to come back. I will wait till it feels right to find joy in the simple things again. If you need comfort tonight, know that your Heavenly Father can give you a peace that transcends all understanding. All you have to do is ask, He is waiting with open arms. He can take the hurt; He is big enough.